Fucking Holidays

As a drunk person, I loved the holidays. I got extra days off work. I got to hang out with my friends and family. I got to eat good food and get presents. And of course, I got to get wasted. I loved getting wasted, then spend my hangover day laying on the couch, watching Netflix and eating leftovers.

As a sober person, November through January has lost its excitement. Mind you, this is my first time sober for the holidays, which is really fucking weird. I used to kick off the season by drunk cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Not anymore. It felt like a friend was missing. It felt incomplete. I felt like just another depressing day.

Now, I know that my early sobriety and change of lifestyle was messing with my head. It did a good job. I didn’t want to drink. I wasn’t interested in eating leftovers, watching Netflix, hungover. It’s a change. Sometimes change is hard, sometimes is easy and sometimes its just fucking weird.

Then Christmas came around. I used to look forward to drinking all day. Watching my kids open their presents then letting them play with their new toys while I drank myself into an oblivion. Or, better yet, I would let them go with family so I could go to the bar. Christmas and Thanksgiving were the best nights at the bar. That’s when my people were there. While all the normies were at home with their families, I was bellied up to the bar , taking shots with my drinking buddies.

This year was different. After Thanksgiving, I was prepared to spend Christmas without my booze. I knew how it would feel. I wanted to treat it like another day. I have kids, so I couldn’t do that completely. So we had presents. Ate delicious food throughout the day. I took a few naps. Watched movies with my family. Spent time checking out presents and visiting with my daughters. It was good. It was low key. It was not exhausting. I was a day full of love and relaxation. Enjoyable.

Despite the fact that I was able to have a good day, I no longer like holidays. I wish there didn’t have to be a day to be thankful, or to celebrate God, or Jesus or whoever you pray to. A day to celebrate new beginnings. To put them on one day makes it feel fake and forced. So, fuck holidays. I’m not a fan. I will try to be thankful everyday. I will pray often and always celebrate new beginnings. And in November, I’ll cook a turkey. In December, I’ll buy some presents and in January I’ll buy some sparkling cider to toast with my family.

So happy holidays, happy life and happy year.

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