I will not say this out loud. At least not in certain groups. I know that I am being petty. I know that it is childish.
But I am mad at my son. He is fourteen. He does not deserve my anger. But I am mad. I am mad that he is choosing life at his real moms over what we have given him. I know, that is immature. But I am mad.
I am mad that he hurts his dad, my husband. It is not intentional. He loves his dad. But he does not appreciate, or even know, everything his dad has done and sacrificed for him.
I am mad that he doesn’t think of how his sisters feel. The sisters that have been his for the last seven years. They have loved him like true family. He has left them behind like they weren’t even there.
I am mad that he clings to her. I have been there for him constantly. I have raised like like he was mine. It makes me mad that the credit I deserve from him, now goes to her. I am mad that he only thinks of his own happiness and has just left us behind. I am mad that I have watched him cry his eyes out over her for years, and now he chooses her.
But he is a fourteen year old boy. He is finding his way. And I have to be the adult and allow it. That is why I would never say it out loud.
But the truth is, I am mad. And hurt. And now I wait. Hopeful that he will come back.