My Letter to You

To the Future Addict:

You are about to start trying new things. You are probably young, which of course means that you know everything and my words will mean little. Read them anyways. I will be honest, getting drunk and high is fun. My mind has been altered by many different chemicals, so I know. Its a feeling you have never had, and you will probably enjoy it.

And maybe you will be one of the lucky ones that don’t fall into the depths of addiction. Maybe you will be able to put it down when the fun is over. But maybe you won’t.

No form of high starts as addiction. Nobody starts at rock bottom. That’s how it works. It will be fun for awhile, then it won’t. And the problem is, there is nobody that recognizes that they have a problem until its gone way too far. And then you have three choices: death, jail or claw your way out of it.

The best alternative is to escape the addiction. But here’s the kicker, you will never escape. Once that demon has gotten a hold of you, it will never let go. You have to learn how to constantly stay ahead of it and live with it in your brain. It will never let you live a normal life again. It will always be there, waiting for a moment of weakness. Waiting to take back your life.

Out of all of the drugs I have tried, booze is the one that sunk its teeth in. And no matter how I want it to be, it will be the devil in my head for the rest of my life. I will never be able to have a beer at a barbecue or have a drink with dinner. I will have moments of intense craving that I will have to fight. And I can never escape. I am forever fighting a battle that is in my head.

Now, I am telling you this to scare you. I am telling you what might happen. Maybe you’ll be ok, maybe you won’t. There is no way to know unless you try. And that, my friend, is a dangerous gamble. Because if you do get addicted, it will take over. It will take everything you hold close, and convince you to put them second. In fact, it will do so and make you believe that it is acceptable. It will convince you to put yourself in terrible situations with dangerous surroundings. It will take you to places of despair, then make you feel like your addiction is the only thing that will save you. It will make you think in a such a distorted way that nobody around you will be able to make sense of it. It will break the hearts of the people you love. It will make you do awful things. And when its done, it will happen all over again. Before you know it, you will look up and see the wreckage that was your life.

But by that time, its almost too late. You’re almost to the point of no return. And now you have to fight a battle you have never imagined. You feel alone and defeated. The people you have been friends with are not going to help you. You’ve probably even buried a few of them. And some of them are in jail. And you have to dig yourself out of this hole you’ve been buried in. of course, this is all after your body goes through a detox so miserable you consider inviting death.

And everyday after you chose sobriety over death, you have to fight. You have to constantly keep your guard up. And if you relapse, you have to do it again. Because if you don’t, you will die. That becomes your life, it once was getting high or drunk for a good time. Now it is fighting for your life. Daily.

I know that you are young. I know that if I would have read this at your age, it wouldn’t have stopped me. I know that it probably won’t stop you either. The demons of addiction are far more persuasive than I am. Keep my words in mind though. At least you’ll know what to expect.

Respectfully,

Jen